This story originally appeared in The Mission on Medium.*
I recently heard a story from a close friend about the newly appointed leader of her organization. On his first day, this director made a point of introducing himself only to the senior staff. His demeanor was authoritative, even dominant, making it clear to everyone that “a new sheriff was in town.”
Even before my friend finished the story, I knew the narrative arc: This was the classic “new boss,” intentionally and dramatically different from the previous one – echoing the sentiment of Roger Daltrey from The Who. The difference, however, wasn’t positive. It was a difference defined by exclusion and arrogance.
Disinterested in connecting with the broader team, different. Feeling that engaging with lower-level employees was beneath him, different. Frankly, obnoxious and alienating, different.
For both professional success and healthy personal relationships, empathy must be the foundation. This empathy needs to be genuine and deeply felt, not a superficial performance. Authenticity is key; insincerity is easily detected. To truly empathize and demonstrate care, there must be a genuine desire to understand and prioritize others.
The Essence of Servant Leadership
Servant leadership centers on prioritizing the needs and growth of others above personal ambition. While the term might be familiar, it’s crucial to reflect on its practical application. Do you consistently prioritize others in your workplace, friendships, or academic settings? If you hesitate, consider why. What perceived risks hold you back?
Let go of the fear of vulnerability. Embracing vulnerability is not a weakness, but a profound strength.
“Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy — the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” — Brené Brown
I recently met a fellow business professional for coffee on a Saturday. His words resonated deeply, especially because he offered his time and insights purely to assist me:
“I make every effort to give without expecting anything in return.”
Imagine a world where this principle wasn’t an exception, but the norm. Yet, in my experience, those who genuinely act this way are remarkably rare. Most actions seem driven by self-interest. We often prioritize personal advancement and control, neglecting the needs and contributions of others.
We might even exploit the generosity of others without reciprocating.
Ultimately, this self-serving approach is unsustainable. I’ve experienced both sides of this dynamic. As a millennial navigating my career, I’ve greatly benefited from the support of my network. I’ve encountered incredibly generous individuals who have offered invaluable advice, coaching, and mentorship.
Their kindness has been instrumental in shaping my career path. I owe much of my progress to those who believed in me and supported my journey—some of whom were essentially strangers who simply cared and wanted to help. Consider the selfless nature of this: they offered support with no immediate personal gain. Their motivation was purely to improve my situation.
However, I believe that in helping others, they were also enriching their own lives. There’s truth in the adage: it is far better to give than to receive.
Alt text: A male coach passionately instructs his high school basketball team during a game, emphasizing the leadership aspect of service.
The Power of Paying it Forward
My journey into paying it forward began through coaching high school basketball, volunteering, and mentoring colleagues through career challenges. These actions stem from genuine passion and care.
The profound satisfaction derived from assisting others is immensely rewarding. In return, I’ve experienced gratitude, respect, and valuable connections with individuals willing to support my business growth and spread goodwill. Colleagues and acquaintances often evolve into cherished friends.
“If a better society is to be built, one that is more just and more loving, one that provides greater creative opportunity for its people, then the most open course is to raise both the capacity to serve and the very performance as servant of existing major institutions by new regenerative forces operating within them.” — Robert Greenleaf
A marketing executive recently shared a powerful insight: “The way I show up is how others show up.” This embodies the principle of leading by example, contrasting with leadership based solely on words. Both approaches can be effective, as I’ve witnessed firsthand.
“The servant-leader is servant first… It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead.” — Robert Greenleaf
Consider the frustrations inherent in modern life. We all experience moments of discouragement and seek motivation and inspiration through our work, interactions, and passions. Channel any negativity towards service. Harness the positive energy generated from helping those in need. You’ll be amazed at the transformative impact this has on your life and perspective. Serving others can Serve As A Means to personal fulfillment and a more positive outlook.
Vulnerability: Serving as a Means to Authentic Connection
“You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real, it scares you.” — Bob Marley
For too long, vulnerability was misconstrued as weakness. This perception is shifting. While societal change takes time, a growing number of leaders are embracing vulnerability, sharing this mindset with their teams and networks. I recall my first management consulting job. My senior leader was an unassuming, quiet man.
He was so humble and approachable, you might mistake him for a peer rather than a manager. His grace and genuine care for others were evident. He rarely spoke about himself, consistently prioritizing the well-being of his team. His example profoundly shaped my approach to leadership. He embraced vulnerability and humility, expecting little in return.
“The highest type of ruler is one of whose existence the people are barely aware.” — Lao-Tzu from Tao te Ching
He made a point of personally connecting with every team member, taking them to lunch early in their tenure. He deeply valued people. Surrounded by a loving family, he maintained a positive outlook and treated everyone with kindness, demonstrating genuine care.
Take the time to truly know the people you lead and surround yourself with. Move beyond superficial small talk. How many relationships are limited to weather conversations? Leave meteorology to the experts.
Meaningful relationships are paramount. Demonstrating genuine care and prioritizing others is the hallmark of a true leader. Great leaders embrace vulnerability and selflessness. Ultimately, they thrive by embodying these qualities, earning genuine respect. Vulnerability and empathy serve as a means to building trust and respect in leadership.
Alt text: A leader in a business meeting effectively engages his team, demonstrating servant leadership through active listening and inclusive dialogue.
Engage Further
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